You know who he is.
That actor who was in that thing.
Here are summaries of two stories from his book of essays called The Dangerous Animals Club. From The Christian Science Monitor:
Ice cream crimes
When Tobolowsky was 10 years old, his father brought him to the go-cart races for the Lions Club and made him head of the concession stand. "Talk about having the fox watch the hen house," he wrote. "I went through half a box of soft-serve cones within the first hour." The person in charge of the event went over to Tobolowsky and became angry, telling Tobolowsky that he was going to count the ice cream cones to make sure Tobolowsky wasn’t eating any more. "I was scared," he wrote. "I was ashamed – for about seven minutes. Then I figured I could get around the prohibition on eating ice cream by just avoiding the cones altogether and dispensing the soft serve directly into my hand. No cone. No trail. No problem."
During college, Tobolowsky and his then-girlfriend were on a bus which broke down more than two hours outside of Dallas, so Tobolowsky’s girlfriend suggested they hitchhike home. Tobolowsky was nervous, but agreed. After waiting for a long time, a van pulled over and the door on the side opened up. He and his girlfriend jumped in quickly. Tobolowsky tried to make conversation, but no one would talk. "No one looked at Beth or me," he wrote. "It was tense. Now I wondered how this ride would end." The van pulled over eventually and the driver told them they had to get out. "Hey, thanks for the lift," Tobolowsky told the driver. "I was afraid no one would pick up hitchhikers anymore." "What?" the driver said. "You were hitchhiking? We never even saw you. We had just pulled over to change drivers. You jumped into the car and said, ‘Drive us to Dallas.’ We thought you were kidnappers."
5 stories from Stephen Tobolowsky’s ‘The Dangerous Animals Club’, The Christian Science Monitor>>