"The Lone Ranger, long since retired,
makes an unpleasant discovery."
(A classic Gary Larsen cartoon.)
A Swiss couple is in the Maldives, a beautiful series of islands north of the Equator in the Indian Ocean, to renew their marriage vows at the Vilu Reef resort.
They have paid $1,300 for the ceremony, to "mark a milestone in your amazing journey together."
The breathtakingly beautiful Vilu Reef resort
The couple, who do not know the local language of Dhiveli, are prayed over by one of the staff, Hussein Didi.
Hussein is a food and beverage assistant at the hotel.
The couple receive their blessings:
First, Hussein explains to the couple that the ceremony will be conducted according to Maldivian, Arabic and Islamic norms.
As the woman leans over to take a sip from a coconut, a man says, "Don’t look at her chest."
Hussein is asked by another man if the document he is holding is something new. He says it is "The seventh Article of the Penal Code."
The paper Hussein is reading from is actually an employment contract for hotel employees.
Everyone is told to raise their hands for prayers.
Hussein begins speaking in a religious way:
"Fornication has been legalized according to Article 6, 1.11 of the Penal Code. That is, frequent fornication by homosexuals. Most fornication is by males. Research has shown that men have a higher sex drive than women. According to Article 8 to 6 of the Penal Code, converting to Islam, or circumcision, is not desirable under any circumstances. Germs of anger and hatred will breed and drip from the tips of your penises."
Hussein reads for a while from the employment document. Then he continues:
"You are crooked pig’s tails. You are swine according to the Constitution."
Of course, in Islam, pork is forbidden, and being called a swine is a terrible insult.
Hussein then chants verses that are actually words from a popular Dhivehi children’s game, except Hussein changes some of the words to "black swine." He then continues:
"Before screwing a chicken, check if the hole is clean. That is because the people of the countries that you are from are familiar with the taste of the assholes of chicken. Do not treat with kindness people against whom violence is being committed. Commit more violence against victims of violence. You are not people who have been sent to this world to commit violence. Do not complain too much about salaries, or matters regarding salaries. That is against the Penal Code. This is not something I am saying for your benefit – it is a law that we have made. You fornicate and make a lot of children. You drink and you eat pork. Most of the children that you have are marked with spots and blemishes… these children that you have are bastards."
Someone else says:
"Say a little bit more, and then quit."
"Keep fornicating frequently, and keep spreading hatred among people. The children you will have from this marriage will all be bastard swine."
Hussein again, in English:
"So now, in Maldivian law, in Islam, you are already married."
When the couple go to plant a coconut tree together, more comments are made about the bride’s breasts.
Others speak up:
"Aren’t they going to suck mouth?"
"Make them suck mouth."
Someone from the hotel staff uploads the video to YouTube. In this video, the speaking is crudely translated. (NSFW if your boss is reading over your shoulder, or knows the Dhiveli language.)
Many people in the Maldives are horrified. Apologies are given, pranksters are arrested, new regulations are proposed, and the story spreads.
Tourism is the Maldive’s largest economic industry.
I’ve taken the insults from a Maldive news site. The BBC news sources and the video have different translations. Until the entire video is seen and a definitive translation is made – which is very unlikely, since most of those in Maldive probably want this to go away soon – we’ll just have to get the spirit of the thing. It’s obvious, though, that this was a concerted effort to deceive and not a slight language slip-up.
The next question, though, is why? Why did staff member Hussein Didi do it? Was he bored? Pissed off at the couple? Pissed off at tourists, or white people, or non-Muslims in general? Pissed off at women? Angry at his employer? Involved in a job dispute? Or was he just a consummate prankster?
Maldives police to probe foul-mouthed wedding ceremony, BBC>>
Foreign couple mocked as "infidels" and "swine" throughout resort’s ‘wedding ceremony,’ Minivan – Independent News for the Maldives>>
See also The Chinese Grass-Mud Horse Prank>>